I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
