the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
