my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
