i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
