The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
