I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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