hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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