his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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