it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
