he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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