Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
