So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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