I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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