I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
