Got a toothbrush?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
