3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
