That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize