So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
