Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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