She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize