a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
