The maid of honor just puked.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
