he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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