I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
