Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
