a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
