oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Who died my cat blue again?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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