some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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