You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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