I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
are you so shy because you have an std?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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