Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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