Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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