Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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