Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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