This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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