It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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