STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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