Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
