He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
