I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
