I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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