I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
