He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
