Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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