What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
