am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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