hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
