Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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