I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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