Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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