But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
