She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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