you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
