i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
