tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
