she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
