I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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