that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
