I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
