i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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