About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
