Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
