i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
