so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
