a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
