very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
