it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
