Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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