when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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