I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
