now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
