hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Michael Bay diarrhea
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
