I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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