'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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