I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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