I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
