i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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