hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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