I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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