she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
