I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
